Balanced Assertiveness: How to Use Words to Boost Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence
Ever want to be more assertive without being overbearing? The devil is in the details... and in the words you use. They have a greater impact than you may realize—on yourself and on others. What words can boost our self-esteem and self-confidence?
Having spent much of my life as a bulldozer, rolling over others entirely unaware of the negative impacts, I learned about balanced assertiveness the hard way. I went from one extreme—the said bulldozer—to the other, quashing my ideas and thoughts in false modesty and mushy words. Neither approach works. It took a lot of self-awareness and self-development to find the right stance.
Effective assertiveness is all about expressing yourself with confidence and clarity, while still valuing the boundaries and opinions of others. It's a balance between being a pushover and a bulldozer.
When you master the art of assertiveness, you'll unlock a world of benefits: it boosts your self-esteem, skyrockets your self-confidence, and forges strong, healthy relationships that will stand the test of time.
The Benefits of Assertiveness
By harnessing the potential of assertiveness, we can unlock opportunities for both personal and professional development.
Boost your confidence. Confidently express yourself and you'll build a positive self-image that radiates strength and self-assurance.
Master the art of communication. Say goodbye to misunderstandings and hello to effective communication. Speak your mind with clarity and honesty, fostering deeper connections and understanding with others.
Set boundaries; earn respect. Take control of your life by setting clear boundaries, creating a healthy and balanced dynamic built on mutual respect.
Resolve conflicts; build bridges. Become a conflict resolution expert by expressing your needs and concerns with grace and finding solutions that benefit everyone involved.
Achieve your goals. Unleash your potential by asking for what you need and negotiating like a pro, overcoming obstacles and paving the way to achieving your dreams.
How Boost Your Confidence and Assertiveness with These Language Tips
Feeling a little unsure of yourself? Building self-confidence and assertiveness might seem like a mountain to climb. Where to start? Begin with the words you use!
Empower Yourself with Definitive Language
First focus on using definitive language that expresses confidence and certainty. By using assertive phrases, you can supercharge your communication skills and make a lasting impact. Check out these examples:
“I will...”: When you say “I will,” you're showing commitment and reliability. It tells others that you're ready to take responsibility for your actions. Then, go ahead and do what you promise!
“I can...”: Saying “I can” reflects your capability and competence. It shows that you have confidence in your abilities and are ready to take on any challenge that comes your way. You've got this!
Using definitive language creates an air of certainty that fosters trust and respect from others.
Toss the Weasel Words
Next, avoid those sneaky weasel words that weaken your message and make you sound wishy-washy. Words like "sorta," "kinda," and "probably" create uncertainty and can totally undermine your assertiveness. No thanks! Here are some other ones to avoid:
Don't let "I can't" steal your power. Remember, you have the choice to take action or not.
Be cautious with "I need" because it triggers your primal instincts, making you believe whatever you "need" is a matter of survival. But is it really?
Don't dismiss something as "bad" without exploring its potential for good. There might be an opportunity hiding beneath the surface.
Avoid using "try" as it implies the possibility of failure. Instead, approach things with confidence and determination.
Don't weaken your stance with "well...". Be assertive and speak with conviction.
When a clear answer is expected, skip the uncertainty of "I would say that" and provide a direct response.
Be mindful of how "probably" or "possibly" can undermine your assertiveness. Embrace your confidence and speak with certainty.
Beware of the negative impact of the word "should" on your mental and emotional well-being. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and self-rejection. Let go of should and embrace proactive and positive choices. Free yourself from self-judgment, shame, and regret. Say goodbye to anger and frustration caused by internalized expectations and societal pressures.
By recognizing and eliminating weasel words from our language, we can communicate assertively and confidently.
How to Be Assertive in Practice
To ensure effective communication, it is important to provide direct and confident answers without qualifiers. Strive to offer straightforward responses without equivocation, supported by specific and quantifiable information. Be transparent and honest about what is known and unknown. Additionally, acknowledge the perspective of others and seek permission before presenting an alternative viewpoint.
Now that we have grasped the significance of assertiveness and eliminating vague language, let us explore how to apply assertive communication in various aspects of life.
Expressing Opinions. Share ideas and opinions confidently in team meetings or discussions, using definitive language to clearly communicate thoughts.
Setting Boundaries. Clearly define boundaries and assertively communicate them in both professional and personal relationships. When necessary, say "no" and negotiate workload or deadlines to maintain a healthy work-life balance. Clearly communicate limits and expectations, ensuring that personal needs are respected. Learn to decline requests that do not align with values, priorities, or capabilities without feeling guilty or obligated. Click here to find out more about setting boundaries.
Giving and Receiving Feedback. Provide constructive feedback assertively, focusing on specific behaviors and their impact. Similarly, be open to receiving feedback and respond non-defensively.
Negotiating. Utilize assertive communication techniques to negotiate terms, salaries, or project timelines. Clearly state needs and interests while considering the perspective of the other party.
Expressing Feelings. Clearly communicate emotions and needs to loved ones, using "I" statements to express feelings without blaming or criticizing others.
Resolving Conflict. Approach conflicts assertively by actively listening, expressing perspectives, and finding mutually beneficial solutions. Focus on understanding each other's needs and discovering common ground.
Assertiveness in a Nutshell
Assertiveness is a powerful skill that can positively impact our lives. By using definitive language, eliminating weasel words, and practicing assertive communication, we can boost our self-esteem, enhance our relationships, and achieve our goals effectively. Embrace the power of assertiveness and watch as it transforms your life for the better.
Action Items
These ideas come from Dave Asprey's book Gamechangers.
• Ask someone you know to call you out when you use weasel words.
• Set your computer’s autocorrect to automatically capitalize or highlight weasel words so you’ll have to change them to more truthful words.