The Strength Trap: How Top Performers Can Overcome Self-Limiting Success
Have you ever been so in flow, so aligned with your strengths, that you didn’t even notice you had alienated your team? Or maybe, you’re exhausted from taking on so much because it’s your strong suit rather than because it’s your job. That’s called the Too Much of a Good Thing Effect—when what is ordinarily beneficial ends up causing harm when taken too far. Could balance come from swaying to the other end of the spectrum?
Do you ever have the feeling you have to do everything yourself? Perhaps it never occurs to you to ask for help. Or, maybe you're like me and have this running narrative of “if you want it done right do it yourself.”
It took me a lot of self-awareness to realize that most of the time, in these situations, my ego was just getting in my way, making me think I'm indispensable. When I'm ruthlessly honest, I realize I’m giving way too much credence to my strengths. I overplay them.
But hey, aren't we supposed to focus on strengths? Isn't that a tried-and-true self-development motto? Aren’t people who use their strengths happier, less stressed, and more confident?
As much truth and solace as there may be in looking to our strengths, it's really easy to overuse them. I'm the first one to do so. One of my superpowers is to grasp the big picture and narrow it down to a practical next step. And then I get impatient as I wait for others to catch up. Some people call it bitchy. Or pushy. In those terms, it doesn’t sound like a strength to me.
Scientists call this the Too Much of a Good Thing (TMGT) effect. Even positive qualities become toxic when overused. Attention to detail shifts to perfectionism, confidence to arrogance, ambition to greed.
The funny thing is, a strong focus on strengths comes with precious energy spent on judging our weaknesses—even when we use other words such as “challenges” or “opportunities for growth.” And when we lean into our strengths, our weaknesses just get weaker.
What Is A Strength Anyway?
Strengths come from natural talent, skills, knowledge and experience. When you stand in your strengths, you feel confident, driven. They are sources of energy, just like interests.
That said, meta-analytic evidence shows that as far as performance is concerned, negative feedback and lower self-esteem also serve to help people improve. And high-performing individuals focus on developing new strengths (unweakening weaknesses) rather than enhancing old ones.
Strengths and Weaknesses
I've always been fascinated with opposites, the notion that we only see light because there is darkness, feel happiness in contrast to sadness. Logically, then, a strength only exists because of its corresponding weakness. Why, then, are we so quick to ignore our limitations and shortcomings? Particularly when, according to a 2016 study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, we tend to see weaknesses as more changeable than strengths.
What happens if we shift our attention to wholeness, to acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses? It's just like positive psychology, focusing on positive emotions only works if you acknowledge the full spectrum of feelings, even the uncomfortable ones.
How to Strike a Balance
We human beings are generally poor judges of our own abilities. We tend to overestimate ourselves in some areas and underestimate in others, because strengths are situational, they depend on when, how and how much we use.
To get to know yourself better, it is helpful to use strengths assessments such the one put together by Gallup, the Values in Action (VIA) Survey, or the High 5 Test. The problem with self assessments is our natural inclination to tap ourselves on the shoulder when we are not tearing ourselves down. Feedback from others provides more texture.
Knowing your strengths and pinpointing your weaknesses serves to build ongoing awareness. The trick though is to find that space of choice, between a situation and your reaction, where you can ask questions such as:
Is this serving the situation?
Is this too much of a good thing?
Beware that even mildly overdoing a strength can have negative impacts along with positive ones.
What to Do About Weaknesses
What about our weaknesses? What can we do with them? Not surprisingly, more discomfort comes when we shed light on our weaknesses. Here’s one trick I use to find mine: I pay attention to how I judge others. It’s a big red arrow to where I’m feeling insufficient myself.
From the perspective that weaknesses are the natural counterpart to strengths, it would make sense to own our weaknesses fully. And the die-hard optimist in me is always looking at them as another kind of strength. I’m naïve and gullible, which also makes me unassuming and prone to moments of awe. No complaints there.
“Our judgments judge us, and nothing reveals us, exposes our weaknesses, more ingeniously than the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows.”