Beyond Self-Fix: Why Embracing Your Inner Imposter is the New Power Move
Are you fed up with always having to fix yourself? Is Imposter Syndrome your middle name? And self-development your turn-to remedy for anything that doesn’t go the way you want it to? Pause. Breathe. What if the treasure were in who we are, not who we’d like to be? Then all that self-development would be icing on the cake.
The other day, I set out on another biohacking experiment. Fascinated by keeping my brain in tip-top shape, I downloaded an app on my phone to do some N-back training—that’s biohacking-speak for brain training. It involves letter, number and sound recall games that get increasingly harder. Studies in Switzerland and Germany have shown that it can increase executive function, which allows us to plan and focus. Sounds great.
The thing is, as soon as I booted up the app, the phone nearly slipped out of my sweaty palms. My stress just kept increasing and by the time I got to finding words on a grid of letters, I panicked, staring at my screen. Helpless. Frozen.
A feeling of total inadequacy invaded me. My self-esteem sank to zero. I was sure my brain was calcifying with age. And when I saw I scored in the third percentile, “The truth is out” resounded between my ears.
Wait a second. WTF? I never in my life have doubted my ability to think. Even during the heaviest bouts of brain fog due to over-indulging in inflammatory foods, the neurons still fire pretty damn well. Upon closer analysis, I realized that I was reacting to my phone—I’m notoriously stressed by devices. And the exercises were in French—not my native language. A few more tries and I was scoring in the 98th percentile. Now that’s more like it. Well, except for some of the games. And who cares anyway?
Classic Imposter Syndrome
What struck me was how quick I was to doubt myself. I chalk it up to classic imposter syndrome—the dreaded never-being-good-enough. And it pissed me off. The next day, a friend called, down and out, talking about “having to go back to the drawing board,” still having things to fix, to work out. I nearly blew my stack.
When is it ever going to stop? When are we going to put an end to all this fixing and accept who we are? Acknowledge our wonderfulness and love our faults so they stop getting in our way?
I’ve got nothing against self-development. I love it. I’ve done it all my life. I’ve made it my job. And what if it weren’t about fixing what’s wrong, but rather about increasing our enjoyment of life? What if we were to apply the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, of finding beauty in imperfection? In the art of kintsugi, one paints cracks with gold powder, turning a broken object into a piece of art.
It’s a small shift in perspective, with huge consequences.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
Back to Imposter Syndrome. It’s when, no matter your experience or credentials, you still think you don’t know what everyone thinks you know. You still think you have to fix yourself, make yourself better. It involves believing that you are faking it. It impacts an estimated 70% of individuals at least once in their life.
The syndrome causes feelings of anxiety, self-doubt and worry. It can lead to being over-prepared (that’s me) or to procrastination (um… yeah, that’s me too). When the task is completed, we imposters may enjoy a brief feeling of accomplishment, but it’s mostly relief, and we completely tune out any positive feedback. Any success comes from hard work or luck, never from intrinsic value. And on it goes, with increasing success magnifying fraudulent feelings and anxiety about being exposed. And more fixing.
6 dimensions and 5 Types of Imposter Syndrome
Dr. Pauline Rose Clance identified Imposter Syndrome in 1985—and she called it Imposter Phenomenon. It has six dimensions to it, only two being need to be an imposter:
A cycle.
A need to be special or the best.
Aspirations of superpowers.
Fear of failure.
Denial of ability and discounting praise.
Fear and guilt about success.
Another researcher, Valerie Young , author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer From the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It, identified five subgroups:
The perfectionist, who is more concerned about what they did wrong than what they accomplished.
The superhero, a workaholic who believes that more effort is required.
The natural genius, who masters new skills quickly—except when they don’t.
The soloist, who won’t ask for help.
The expert, who believes they need to know it all before they can take up something new.
Hmm. How many categories are you falling into?
Hypo-imposter-chondria?
By now, I’m thinking that most readers have identified some amount of imposter in them. And the wheels may be turning. Once identified as a syndrome, there’s got to be a way to fix it. And on we go.
Could the problem be that in self-development we focus so much on what’s wrong and how we can fix it? Maybe we need to change the vocabulary.
What if nothing were wrong with me? What if my inner imposter just needed some love? What if together we celebrated some failures and remembered that another person's reaction has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. So I can get back to focusing on my goals. I can let go of outside approval. And do what I have to do. Enjoy the journey. And perhaps even go further, faster.
What if, all we had to do was accept how messy we humans are? Sometimes we’re the best. Sometimes we’re not. We don’t have to fix that. We need to own it.
It’s a mind game. That’s where we need a paradigm shift. Self-development isn’t about fixing me, it’s about expanding me. And I can expand and learn however much I want.
4 Steps to Making Friends with Your Inner Imposter
Pause. Start with awareness.
Cultivate self-compassion. Welcome who you are, warts and all.
Play with perspectives. Reframe failures and—why not?—successes as well.
Create a system to remind yourself of your intrinsic worth on a regular basis.